How to Handle Being Insulted

You may feel quite upset when someone calls you offensive names or disrespects you. Your emotions can easily be hurt when others criticize, mock, or belittle you. However, you can confront those who disrespect you and ask them to stop. It's important to take care of yourself and learn how to respond when such situations arise.

Avoid reacting immediately. When someone disrespects you, the best approach is not to respond right away. Reacting in anger will only fuel their behavior. Your reaction is exactly what they want. Furthermore, expressing anger or negative feelings does not benefit you. In the heat of the moment, you may say or do something you regret, or cause harm to yourself due to stress.

• Take a deep breath to calm yourself.
• Slowly count to five while maintaining your composure.

Don't retaliate. You might feel the urge to respond with harsh words, but that will only lower you to their level. Retaliation will also escalate the tension without resolving the issue.

• Just like reacting impulsively, retaliating will give them exactly what they want.
• Even if you feel compelled to act, avoid responding to rude comments and posts with more negative comments.
• Avoid gossiping about the person. While it may feel relieving to vent, it won't help solve the problem.

Ignore the incident. Sometimes silence is the most powerful weapon. By ignoring the person who insulted you, you take away the satisfaction they sought from your reaction. This approach helps you save time and energy on someone unworthy of it. Additionally, their bad behavior will be overshadowed by your graceful actions.

• Act as though they never said anything at all.
• Continue with what you're doing and don't give them your attention.
• If ignored, they'll likely leave you alone—unless they're shameless.

Ask them to stop the offense. This is a direct approach to let them know you want their offensive behavior to cease. If ignoring them doesn't work or the situation truly bothers or hurts you, requesting they stop could help resolve the issue.

• Make sure to stay calm. Look them in the eyes and speak in a firm, clear, and confident tone.
• For example, if a peer insults you, take a few deep breaths and calmly say, 'Stop insulting me.'
• If it's a colleague, you can say, 'I don't appreciate or respect how you've spoken to me and about me. Please stop insulting me.'
• If it's a friend with no ill intentions, you could say, 'I know you didn't mean anything bad, but what you said hurt me. Please don't insult me like that anymore.'

Understand why they did it. People often insult others for various reasons. They don’t always mean to hurt you. Understanding their motives can help you figure out how to deal with them.

• Some people do this out of insecurity or jealousy. They want to feel better about themselves by putting others down.
• Others act this way because they want to impress someone or gain attention. For instance, a colleague might criticize your work in front of your boss.
• Some might not even realize they're doing it or don't know how to communicate properly. For example, an older woman might say, 'Nice shirt. It hides your belly.'
• At times, people don’t intend to harm you—they see it as harmless teasing. A friend might call you 'shorty.'

Establish clear boundaries. Some comments may be irritating but manageable, while others can be downright offensive and hurtful, making it necessary to speak up. By setting clear boundaries, you can better understand how to handle these situations.

• For instance, although your brother's insults might bother you, you understand that he likely doesn't mean to hurt you. You probably wouldn't confront him unless his behavior crosses your personal boundary.
• However, if a colleague consistently makes rude remarks that upset you, it’s time to speak out.
• If these insults are discriminatory or frequent, the person has clearly crossed a line, and their actions need to be reported.

Talk to your colleagues and peers. Sometimes someone who insults you doesn’t know you well and may be acting out of malice or just being bothersome. Rather than arguing, calmly let them know their actions are unacceptable.

• If possible, talk to them privately. This prevents them from putting on a performance in front of others and helps maintain mutual respect.
• You might say, 'In the discussion, you made some harsh comments about my idea. I value constructive feedback, but not insults. Please don't do that again.'
• If the person starts insulting you while you’re trying to address their behavior, stop the conversation.
• If the behavior continues or escalates, you need to report it to your superior.

Be direct with friends and siblings. What may start as harmless teasing can quickly go too far, and you need to ask the person to stop immediately. Don’t laugh or use offensive words when making the request. Otherwise, they won’t take your words seriously, and their insulting behavior will continue. Be firm and clear in your request, maintaining a calm tone.

• For example, saying 'Haha, stop it, kid' is not a good way to ask someone to stop insulting you.
• Instead, make eye contact and say in a calm and serious tone, 'That’s enough. I know you find it funny, but it’s bothering me, and I want you to stop.'
• If the person doesn’t stop immediately, you can say 'I’m serious' and walk away. They’ll likely chase after you to apologize. Sometimes, even those closest to us don’t know when we’re being serious.

Show respect to elders. Sometimes, parents, teachers, or superiors may insult you without realizing it. Let them know how their words affect you and ask them to stop. This helps them recognize the impact of their words on you and fosters understanding. It’s also a critical step in dealing with the situation over time.

• If you're insulted by a superior at work, talk to HR to get their advice on how to handle it.
• Consider having a private conversation with the person when you feel comfortable. This will reduce the awkwardness of the conversation.
• You could say, 'When you said my work is foolish, it really upset me.' Or, 'I know I don't always meet deadlines, but calling me lazy is hurtful.'
• If you're not comfortable speaking directly to the person or feel that they’re intentionally insulting you, talk to another trusted adult or HR.

Don't take it personally. A person's words reflect their own character, not yours. If someone is genuinely happy, they won’t waste their time belittling others. In fact, they will likely offend many people, not just you. If you let their hurtful words affect you, they’ve already won. Don’t allow their remarks to lower your self-worth or make you feel bad about yourself.

• Remind yourself of the positive aspects of your character by listing your best traits.
• Write down what they said about you. For every insult, come up with three points proving their words are wrong.
• Make a list of all the kind things others have said about you.

Practice stress management techniques. You may feel stressed when someone insults you, especially if it happens often. Learn and apply various stress-relief strategies to help you deal with the person offending you and the stress they cause.

• Practice deep breathing and meditation to stay calm in their presence.
• Engage in mindfulness practice, as it helps you manage stress and even ignore the person when they attempt to disturb you.
• Consider physical activities like walking or swimming to relieve tension.

Seek help. You should talk to someone if you're being frequently insulted or mistreated. Share what’s happening with a trusted person, especially if the offender holds authority over you, such as a teacher, parent, or boss. Asking for help can be beneficial in many ways. Others might step in to protect you during the incident or report it on your behalf.

• Talk to someone you trust about what’s going on. Provide enough details so they can understand the situation. Ask for their support in addressing the person who’s offending you.
• This could be as simple as asking a friend to be present when you want to tell the person to stop.
• You can also seek help by reporting the incident to an appropriate authority.

Surround yourself with positive people. Spending time with those who have a positive attitude is an excellent way to manage stress caused by insults. It’s also a great way to practice self-care. Your stress will diminish when you spend time with uplifting people. Your thoughts will shift away from focusing on the person who insulted you and the emotions they caused.

• Try to interact and chat with people who consistently make you feel better about yourself.
• Don’t focus solely on the person who insulted you—do something enjoyable instead!