How to Overcome a Crush on a Co-worker

Overcoming a "crush" on someone can be challenging, especially if it’s a colleague you see every day. Developing feelings for a co-worker can cause stress and complicate your work environment. However, you can get through this by understanding the risks involved in pursuing someone at work, seeking support, and acknowledging your emotions.

Review your company's policy. If your company discourages or even forbids personal relationships between colleagues, and you don’t want to jeopardize your job, remind yourself of your priorities. You might decide that the crush isn’t worth the risk to your career.

• Check your company's workplace relationship guidelines (you might find them in HR if available). Reading about workplace romance policies could also motivate you to let go of your feelings.
• There might also be legal regulations regarding workplace relationships, depending on the laws governing sexual harassment in your location.

Be cautious of workplace gossip. If you continuously talk about someone you're attracted to, and others find out, rumors could easily spread. This could happen even if you're just talking about your feelings without pursuing the person. These rumors might make you appear unprofessional, reducing both your work performance and morale. If you're concerned about these potential risks, it's best not to discuss the person you like at work or with your colleagues outside of the workplace.

Consider the negative side of pursuing a coworker. Pursuing a colleague can lead to serious consequences, whether or not the person you like reciprocates your feelings. Understanding these risks might be enough to end your infatuation. Here are some issues you could face:

• Being rejected by the person you're interested in.
• Enduring embarrassment if the person doesn't like you, or if they do but the relationship ends badly.
• Applying pressure on the person to reciprocate your feelings, especially if you hold a higher position in the workplace.
• Losing the trust of your colleagues who may think you're acting unprofessionally or treating the person unfairly.

Think about the potential impact if the relationship doesn't work out. Even if you want to pursue the person you like, consider the possible outcomes—both good and bad. The relationship might work out long-term, or it might not.

• It may start off well, but eventually fall apart.
• If the relationship doesn't end well, or even if it falls apart, you may have to face the person at work, potentially in a higher position, which could add pressure.
• If things don’t turn out as you hoped, and either you or the other person feels too stressed to continue with the company, it could lead to even more complications.

Talk to a friend about the situation. Sharing your dilemma with someone can relieve some of the pressure of having feelings for someone but not wanting to pursue them. In addition to listening and understanding, your friend may offer you valuable advice.

• If you're uncomfortable discussing your feelings with someone at work or worried about rumors circulating, consider talking to a friend outside the company.

Build relationships outside of work. It's possible to develop personal feelings at work when you're not actively seeking relationships outside of the office. If you find yourself working too much or avoiding social interactions, try to schedule time to hang out with friends outside of work or engage in activities you enjoy. Look for opportunities to meet new people, as this can help distract you from your coworker crush.

Focus on positive distractions. The person you like may capture your attention because you've allowed them to. However, if you shift your focus to other things, you'll find it easier to get over your crush.

• At work, concentrate on your tasks, and maintain a professional attitude with all your colleagues. Even simple things like decorating your workspace, caring for a small plant on your desk, or listening to your favorite music while working can serve as positive distractions, helping you stop thinking about that person.
• Outside of work, engage in activities you've always wanted to try. Exercising more, dedicating time to your hobbies, or even tidying up your home (if you've been neglecting it) can also help you move on.

Separate daydreams from reality. "Infatuation" is a sign of attraction, but it can also lead to fantasies about an ideal world where you're with the person you desire. Distancing yourself from your fantasies and focusing on your feelings of attraction will help you assess those emotions more thoughtfully.

• Daydreams often focus on the future or the past, while reality is about focusing on the present.
• Concentrate on the life you're currently living instead of the life you dream of.

Understand that you don't have to act on your feelings. It's entirely possible to have feelings for someone, including a coworker, without pursuing them. If you're able to separate your work life from your personal life, you can deal with your crush by acknowledging your feelings and reminding yourself not to act on them.

• Sometimes, having a crush at work can be beneficial. For example, you may pay more attention to your appearance, work harder, or actively participate in company events; but it won’t last forever.

Remember, not every fish you can't catch is a big one. Sometimes, having a crush on someone is more about your own mindset. You may think you really want to pursue this person, but in reality, you're attracted simply because they are already taken or out of reach. Remind yourself that you're content with your current life, and that pursuing this crush isn’t really a dream coming true.

Set boundaries. If you've decided not to pursue relationships at work (to avoid affecting your professional life or for other reasons), establish some personal rules to prevent getting caught up in a crush. For instance, you might choose to only interact with the person you're attracted to when there are others around, which helps you maintain your boundaries. Generally, setting boundaries can make it easier to alleviate stress and resist the urge to run away from the situation.

Give yourself time. Don’t expect to overcome your crush immediately. Allow yourself the time you need to process your emotions and decide how you want to proceed. Don’t blame yourself if it takes a while to move on from the person you like.

• If you're really struggling to get over your crush, a big change might help. If possible, consider requesting a transfer to another department or office location to distance yourself from the person you're infatuated with.