The Most Frequent Ways You’ve Overlooked Basic Courtesy

Can we agree that, as a society, we seem to have become... let’s say rougher in the last decade? In an era where we—and our interactions—are becoming more digital, impersonal, and detached (during the pandemic, many of us worked, slept, and ate in our bedrooms for 18 months straight), the tendency to focus solely on ourselves has grown exponentially. We could all use a little self-reflection to check if we still remember how to display basic courtesy in these small but meaningful ways.

Be. On. Time.

Look, we all face unexpected delays now and then. A traffic jam, an urgent call from your child’s school. But is there any greater sign of disrespect than showing up late time and time again to meetings, social events, and dinner plans? When we consistently make others wait for us, the message we’re sending is clear: My time matters more than yours. End of story.

Being respectful of time involves not only being punctual but also communicating delays proactively (yes, that means letting others know before you’re expected to arrive). In the workplace, this means not taking up more of others' time than necessary (i.e., resisting the temptation to ask long-winded questions during that Friday afternoon meeting). And by the way—couldn’t some meetings just be emails instead?

Do not groom yourself in public

We’re not talking about sitting on a secluded bench applying eye shadow (though, for the love of all things, stop doing that while driving—it’s seriously unnerving). What we’re referring to are things like clipping your fingernails on public transportation. (Yes, we’ve actually witnessed it.)

There’s nothing worse than trying to read while being constantly interrupted by the sound of fingernails snapping with a sharp, metallic crunch every few seconds. The same rule applies to plucking eyebrows, carelessly spitting hangnails onto the floor, putting on nail polish, and—please don’t—applying deodorant. Please. Spare us.

Let people finish what they’re saying.

We know it’s tempting to speak up right away when people say something exciting, irritating, or dull. But we must resist. We can't just jump in and cut people off mid-sentence. Doing so sends the message: What I’m saying matters more. Please be quiet. This kind of aggressive dominance isn’t exactly charming.

In a meeting, jot it down. In a social setting, honestly, you might forget what you wanted to contribute, and that’s frustrating. But which is worse—feeling a little annoyed for a second, or coming across like you couldn’t care less about what others have to say?

RSVP

Ah, the lost tradition of the timely RSVP. How we long for it. If you've ever hosted an exclusive event—like a party or a wedding—and had guests fail to RSVP, only to show up with an unexpected plus one, you know the agony of the non-replier. Forcing a host to chase down guests just to find out if they’ll be attending is a headache they don't need. They've got food to order, drinks to secure, and staff to arrange. They need to know how much of everything. Be considerate—RSVP. On time, or risk your relationship going cold.

Don’t park like a jerk

Do we all take that extra moment to ensure we're perfectly aligned within the confines of our designated spot? Good! Because we have some choice words for those who pull in hastily and exit swiftly, leaving their vehicle sprawled across two spaces, or parked diagonally, making it nearly impossible for anyone—let alone our kids—to get out of the car. And of course, we all return our shopping carts to their proper place, right? Because unless you're racing to the ER, there's absolutely no excuse for leaving it in a parking spot, causing inconvenience for everyone else.

Practice basic table manners.

We don’t need to master the art of setting a royal banquet table, but we do need to chew with our mouths closed—silently—so no one else has to endure the unpleasant sounds of food being crushed and mixed with saliva. (This rule extends to other unwanted sounds, like teeth sucking and picking your teeth in public.) Reaching across the table for food is a no-no, as is resting your elbows on the table. (If anyone you know needs a reminder, feel free to borrow my mother’s method of gently poking their elbows with a fork.)

Let’s be honest: Most of us are addicted to our smartphones. If we’re not holding them, we're already thinking about when we can grab them again. And while we’re checking them, what are we missing? Everything the person in front of us is saying. As a society, we need to improve at putting our phones down during social interactions—not just face-down on the table. That’s cheating. Put it out of sight so no one feels like they're competing with our devices for attention.

Exhibit minimal table manners.

Replace the toilet paper roll (and other shared household tasks)

Ah, cohabitation. A joy, right? While we are naturally inclined to live with others, things go more smoothly when the people we share a space with show some consideration. This means taking the initiative to handle small tasks when they arise—without needing to be reminded. Tasks like: changing out the empty toilet paper roll, lowering the toilet seat, unloading the dishwasher, picking up towels off the floor, and not leaving dirty dishes 'to soak' forever.

Speak softly in communal areas.

Nobody enjoys listening to someone yell into their phone, or overhearing a conversation about Timmy’s tutoring sessions, or the latest drama with Janet from HR. People don’t need to be subjected to your entire personal life when they’re trying to get some rest or forgot their headphones. And speakerphone? Absolutely not—unless you’re in the comfort of your home or car. We doubt the loud talkers will realize their volume is setting off alarms for the rest of us, but here we are. Ssshh. Tone it down, Bradley.

Respect others’ personal space.

Are you one of those people who stands a little too close when talking? Or maybe you’re the one crowding the person ahead of you in line? It’s always important to give others enough space to exist comfortably without feeling like a stranger is right on top of them. Especially in the time of COVID, it’s more crucial than ever. If someone can hear you about to sneeze or blow your nose, you’re standing too close. So, let’s all take a step back and respect personal space.

Always say thank you.

You know that moment when you hold open a door, let someone pass when you have the right of way, or offer a 'bless you' to a stranger, only to be met with silence? It’s never a great feeling when your small act of kindness goes unacknowledged. It doesn’t take much to show appreciation, but it’s always worth it. Saying thank you is timeless, just like holding doors open for others, regardless of their gender. Let’s keep doing that.

Don’t be a jerk online.

We often overlook online behavior in discussions about manners, but it definitely deserves attention. In a world where it’s increasingly acceptable—and even encouraged—to criticize, mock, and belittle everything posted online (yes, even babies, I’m telling you, literal babies), we need to pause and reflect: What’s my goal in posting this? If I encountered this person face-to-face, would I say these things directly to them?

If your answers are (a sense of smug superiority) and (no), take a moment to reconsider before you post. While we might not be able to bring about world peace or solve the issue of low COVID vaccination rates, we can certainly do our part by being a bit more respectful—one less trolling comment at a time.