Buzz
The bond with another person doesn't come naturally. Past ruptured loves, fear of being hurt, or simply the desire for a casual relationship all influence our decision to enter a serious relationship. Along with that, how do you know when you've found 'the one'? The answers to such questions are never clear-cut, and especially for many, the determination for stability can only be built through a process.
If you're aiming for a serious relationship, but the other person doesn't share the same goal, there are a few reasons that may explain their fear of stability. Taking the time to understand your motivations and the nature of the relationship is crucial, and remember: you must approach these issues gently. Like any other aspect of love, care or empathy between you and the other person is crucial to navigate this journey of the heart.
Below, we've listed some reasons why people may fear stability.
Why Doesn't They Want Long-Term Stability With Me?
Whether you've just met for a short period or have been engaged, you may still feel uncomfortable knowing that your loved one isn't truly sure about the relationship with you. 'The fear of being committed can arise when dating, even after marriage, if one or both parties are hesitant to invest fully emotionally,' said M.S.B.A Preston Ni. If the other person is still hesitant about stability with you, then not all situations like this are worth worrying about, as stability is a scary thing for many of us.
There are many reasons for this situation, which may come from past dating experiences, worries about the future, or simply the fact that your partner has not had many deep romantic experiences. Each individual has different approaches and types of love languages. So, is there a way to confirm whether they have a fear of stability or not? Below are some signs why many people hesitate to get close, and whether in each case you should let go or persist.
They Have Been Hurt in the Past
A common reason for fear of stability is sad memories of past relationships. In other words, they believe that if their relationship with you is not too serious, they will no longer be hurt. In this case, they will need more time to build trust, and from there, they will feel safer and more secure in your arms.
They Have Just Broken Up with Their Ex
Another explanation for this fear is their ex. Maybe they are not ready to embrace a serious relationship when they have just escaped from a serious relationship with someone else; surely, this is a serious decision. If they are not completely sure about moving forward with you, give them more time. Don't rush, a healthy love is built on the harmony of desires of both parties.
They Fear Disappointing You
Their hesitation may stem from a fear of disappointing you.
The progression of every relationship is very complex. The longer you are together, the more likely there is some development in the relationship that causes a fear of stability,' Ni said. When they are afraid of not meeting your expectations or afraid of breaking up, these fears become barriers that prevent them from moving forward with you. In this case, you need to talk to them to find out what is holding them back.
They Are Unsure About Their Feelings for You
It's sad, but they may still not be able to clearly name the feelings they have for you. They need more evidence that you are 'the one'. But don't rush to break up: we all love at different speeds, and you can temporarily step back and give them as much time as they need. If your expectations of love have been set too high from the start, you are likely to hurt the relationship before it matures.
They Just Want to Have Fun
It's also possible that they simply don't want stability, because being tied to you would not allow them to have other relationships - or other one-night stands. According to Ni, 'Some people date with the desire that the other person will only stay for a while, while the other half insists on a future with both.' When you are more serious in this relationship than the other person, it is best to let them go. However, if they are just temporarily not the version you want them to be, this is not necessarily a bad thing: each of us is in love at different stages. So, when looking for a long-term partner, remember that your ideal love will not happen if you are paired with someone who is not suitable. Don't be afraid to leave, but see it as an opportunity to get closer to the future and the person who is your soul mate.
What If They Fear Stability?
If you still see the potential of this relationship, talk to your partner. We also know that it won't be easy, but believe us: communication will be the rocket that takes you far on the path of love. There are reasons why experts keep using this concept over and over again. And once you understand the root of that hesitation, you also know the origin and can answer the question of whether you and your partner can move forward.
Follow these steps:
Discuss the Reasons They Pull Back
To understand why the other person is not willing to commit to you, have an honest conversation about it. Anyway, the ability to be sincere with each other is a very important milestone for any healthy, serious relationship. If you want to deepen the connection between you two, being able to openly discuss with your partner and find solutions is essential. Communication also builds trust and direction for both.
Listen to the Warning Signs
Once you have discussed their fear with them, you will have the opportunity to understand their needs. For example, if there are no signs that the other person wants to move forward with you, then stop. Perhaps you are not meant for each other. 'There is evidence of 'fear of attachment,' and I think those who are afflicted always want to be paired with someone, but unfortunately cannot meet the requirements and responsibilities that come with it,' social psychologist Dr. Bella DePaulo said. On the other hand, if the other person wants to overcome their hesitation, this is entirely a positive sign. But remember, slowly: overcoming fear is not easy. They may need time to build trust, know what they want, or overcome past pains.
Decide What Is Right for You
In addition to the other person's emotions, also consider your own needs. If they do not want stability, but instead suggest options like starting an open relationship, think about what you really want. And although you truly care for them, you can also give up if you feel too exhausted to continue trying. 'Those who wonder whether they or their loved one fear stability often describe 'symptoms' and all come to the same conclusion: they don't really want to love anyone at this time,' DePaulo said. Knowing your own limits does not make you a villain, because your mental health and desires should be top priorities. The more comfortable you become with your own expectations and limits, the simpler it will be to navigate a healthy relationship with 'the one.'
Regardless of the final answer, the feeling that you are walking towards the other person will never be easy. Whether you decide to hold their hand and continue to the end of the road or take the narrowest turn, always remember what is important to you. And that beautiful love is still waiting out there, so take a deep breath, and let your intuition be the compass.
