Understanding Monkey Branching: A Comprehensive Guide

You’re talking with a friend about your recent breakup when they accuse your ex of being a "monkey brancher." What does that mean exactly? In dating circles, monkey branching refers to a type of emotional cheating, where someone jumps from one relationship to another without ever being truly single. Keep reading to uncover the signs and motivations behind this behavior.

Monkey branching occurs when someone jumps from one relationship to another. It's similar to a monkey swinging from branch to branch, with each new branch representing a new relationship. This term is often used to describe someone who flirts with others while still in a committed relationship, seeking their next partner.

• While it’s commonly used online to refer to heterosexual women, it applies to anyone in an unfaithful relationship that matches the description.

They guard their phone closely. People who monkey branch may have several romantic interests and, as a result, will hide their phone, take calls in private, or act evasive when you're nearby.

• They might also keep their phone passcode secret and avoid letting you use their phone.

They flirt excessively with others. A major indicator of monkey branching is how often someone flirts with others while not showing the same interest in you. If they’re starting to distance themselves emotionally from the relationship, flirting with everyone else might be a sign of their disinterest.

• However, not all flirtatious behavior is linked to monkey branching, as some individuals are naturally more flirtatious than others.

They use dating apps. A monkey brancher keeps their options open, often leaving dating apps on their phone even after becoming official with someone. If their profile(s) remain active, it’s a strong indication they’re monkey branching.

• Look out for notifications from dating apps, as this is a likely sign they’ve recently used the app.

They’re unusually secretive. A monkey brancher will keep things hidden, especially if they’re emotionally involved with someone else. They may start sneaking away or tell stories that don’t quite add up. If they withhold the truth, it could mean they have feelings for someone else.

• Keep in mind, secrets don’t always indicate cheating. Pay attention to context and trust your instincts to make the right call.
• For example, if you find bakery receipts in your partner’s jeans on your birthday when all your friends are busy, they might be planning a surprise party for you.

They accuse you of flirting or cheating. Monkey branchers often project their own guilt onto others. Gaslighting may be their tactic (whether intentional or not); they could make you feel guilty for simply being friendly with a stranger, while they’re flirting with others.

• Have an open conversation with your partner about what constitutes cheating—can you hug or smile at other people? Clear boundaries can help you both understand each other’s actions and intentions.

They avoid making future plans with you. If someone is planning to end a relationship, they’ll often avoid any talk of the future. A monkey brancher will jump into a new relationship the moment things start to get difficult. If they consistently avoid making future plans, it could be a sign they’re preparing to move on.

• However, not every canceled plan signals a breakup. Ask your partner about why they’re not keen on certain activities. They might just hate sand and not want to go to the beach next month.

They have an unusually long list of exes. If someone has monkey branched in the past, they’re likely to do it again. A major red flag is when they have a significant number of ex-partners. These individuals tend to jump from one relationship to another with little time spent being single, consistently swinging from one relationship to the next.

Recognize that you're not to blame. When dealing with a monkey brancher, the key thing to remember is that their actions are not a reflection of you. Monkey branchers may try to manipulate you through gaslighting; no matter what they say, your actions don’t justify their choices. If they decide to flirt or pursue others, that’s entirely on them.

• Gaslighting involves emotional manipulation that makes you question your reality and doubt yourself.
• Combat gaslighting by removing yourself from the situation. A gaslighter can’t continue to target you if you’re not there to engage.

Think about confronting your partner. For some, confronting a monkey brancher can be a form of closure, though it may be uncomfortable for others. Ask yourself, “What could happen if I call them out?” If you’re prepared for the potential fallout, confronting them may offer you the closure you need to move forward. Ultimately, prioritize what’s best for your emotional health.

• If you choose to confront a monkey brancher, use “I” statements to express your feelings. For example, say, “I feel like my needs aren’t being met,” or, “When you flirt with others, I feel hurt and upset.”

Consider ending the relationship. If you’re being monkey branched, it may indicate the relationship is no longer fulfilling. They’ve lost interest, and it might be time to go separate ways. Here are some signs that it might be time to end the relationship:

• Loss of physical affection
• Betrayal of trust
• Consistent rejection

Take time for personal healing after the breakup. Breakups are tough, even when it’s with a monkey brancher. Prioritize self-care and focus on your own needs before jumping into another relationship. It’s completely fine to grieve the loss and take all the time you need to heal.

• Allow yourself to grieve. Even if you initiated the breakup, it still hurts. Let yourself experience the emotions—whether that’s crying, shouting, or doing whatever helps you heal.
• Reach out to loved ones. You don’t have to face a breakup alone. Spend time with friends or family—whether it’s watching a movie or simply talking things over.
• Stick to your routine. It might sound trivial, but maintaining a routine can aid the healing process. Keep your usual bedtime and meal schedule to help you get back on track.
• Consider therapy. There’s no shame in seeking professional support. Talking to a therapist can be a great way to process your emotions and gain clarity.

They fear being alone. A common reason people monkey branch is their fear of solitude. When a relationship seems to be nearing its end, they may begin forming new emotional or romantic bonds to avoid the discomfort of being single. Often, they tie their self-worth to being in a relationship.

• If you fear being alone, embrace the positives of single life. Enjoy the freedom to make decisions for yourself and reconnect with friends who may have drifted away.

They have low self-esteem. Monkey branchers might struggle with doubts about how long their partner will stay with them. They may constantly wonder, “Am I too unattractive? Too emotional? Annoying?” These insecurities can make them feel unsure about their relationship, leading them to seek attention from others as a way to cope.

• Do you struggle with abandonment fears? Take our quiz to help recognize and address your anxieties.

They’re unhappy in the relationship. If someone feels disconnected from their partner, they might begin monkey branching. Emotional infidelity often stems from a lack of security in the relationship. They may turn to others for the emotional support they’re not receiving at home.

• Having outside friendships is healthy, but it’s essential to discuss boundaries with your partner. What one person sees as harmless may be considered emotional cheating by the other.

They’re narcissistic. Often, people who monkey branch exhibit narcissistic tendencies. They may have an inflated sense of self-importance or a controlling nature. If things aren’t going their way, they might start exploring other romantic possibilities.

• Wondering if you’re dating a narcissist? Take our quiz to find out!

They’re opportunistic. Someone who monkey branches is most likely an opportunist. They’re always looking for the next best thing. If the relationship has hit a rough patch, they may explore other options in case things end. When they see an opportunity for something better, they’ll take it.

• Work on communicating your concerns with your partner if you feel the relationship isn’t going anywhere. Exploring your options is perfectly okay, but some relationships are worth mending.

Monkey branching could be considered cheating. Depending on who you ask, flirting with other people and putting potential relationships “on hold” or “on deck” may be a form of infidelity. Monkey branching may not involve physical cheating, but it can be emotionally harmful.

Rebounds are not the same as monkey branching. When someone rebounds from a relationship, they immediately start a new relationship after the breakup. Monkey branching, on the other hand, occurs before the relationship ends.

• Along with this, rebounders use new relationships as a coping mechanism to move on from a breakup, whereas monkey branchers tend to plan breakups for a new relationship.

Cushioning and monkey branching are the same thing. The terms “cushioning” and “monkey branching” can be used interchangeably in the dating world. Cushioning is the act of building emotional connections with potential partners in case the current relationship fails. This is nearly identical to monkey branching, as both involve setting up emotional connections in fear that a relationship won’t work out.

Monkey branching relationships tend to be short-lived. When someone engages in monkey branching, it indicates they’re not fully committed to the relationship. They are often seeking other options, driven by a sense of insecurity or the anticipation of a breakup. As a result, these relationships don’t generally endure unless the monkey brancher acknowledges their behavior and works to resolve their insecurities.

• Always trust your intuition. If you suspect your partner is cheating, either emotionally or physically, listen to your instincts and take action based on what feels right for you.